Last night being Friday, I let the boys stay up later than usual. With no school and only a few fun plans for the following day, I thought it would be a fun way to reward their good behavior. I also just couldn't get enough of them last night. They were so sweet and cuddly. They played so well and were just a delight. Plus, I figured, we would have a great Saturday morning sleeping in. But, things don't usually go as planned, do they now?
Today began with the kids waking up way too early, after going to bed way too late.
Princeton woke up first, "Good morning, Mommy. Why aren't you playing my game? I thought you were getting me points for a new character!?" he said, as he climbed over me with his bony limbs, careful not to wake papa. One eye open, I searched for the time. 6:00am!
Princeton rarely wakes up first, so when he does, I make the best of it. It's so rare that this big boy and I get any time alone these days. So, I sat up, bundled him in the blankets, turned on his favorite show and watched it with him as I stole hugs and kisses from my 5 year-old.
Soon after, Skyler stumbled in with a big smile that faded as he noticed Princeton cuddled up next to be in bed. Mornings are "Skyler and mommy" time. Mornings belong to him. So, he squeezed his way in and settled in right in my lap. All was well for the first 30 minutes or so, with only a whine here and there from Skyler, as he squeezed in a bit closer.
I'm not quite sure how it went from zero to warp speed so fast. All I know is, the tantrum this morning was epic! It was one of those tantrums where they beg you, through tears of sorrow, to just hold them, only as soon as you reach out a hand, they scatter to the farthest corner of the room screaming “no, mommy, no”. It was one of those tantrums where you can do nothing right. You are their soul focus and you are enemy of the state, as well as what they want and need most in the world, all at once. It’s not quick. It’s not something that will pass if you ignore it, as they teach us to do. It is all encompassing, and consuming. It is tragic and heartbreaking, and it’s maddening.
It’s the kind of tantrum that only stops because eventually you break down and join in their tears. They’ve never seen you cry, and it throws them off so much that they just stop and start consoling you.
Then there is silences, and exhaustion, as you hold on to each other, silently shedding tears for what you have both just gone through. The rest of the family watches, shaken, far from unscathed. Distraught because there was nothing they could do, but not for a lack of trying.
We made it through, but it was still early morning, and we still had an entire day ahead of us.
Raw, and battle damaged, we tip toed around each other. Delicate.
Skyler sat in his tiny rocking chair, watching his favorite show, as Princeton gave me little hugs because he doesn't like his mama to be upset. Hubby, trying to distract both kids, as I slipped away to let the tears flow in the shower.
Being parents, there is no time for you to be raw. There is no room for you to be emotional. The kids, they matter most. So, no matter how rattled you are, you pull yourself together, you smile and dish out hugs and kisses, and you continue with your day.
It’s been a long day. Exhausting, and it left us raw in our emotions. But it has been a sweet day too. Sweet in that we all held on to each other a little tighter, trying to be a little kinder to one another, because this tantrum left a little mark on us all today. Exhausting, sweet, loving, melancholy, and most certainly not void of fun, as we continued with our day as planned.
Another day in the life of mom.