I was always one of those, "young and wild and free" type of people. The most responsibility I ever had in my life, outside of work, was to my dogs. Even so, most of the time my parents got stuck taking care of my beloved pets. I was a loving pet mama, I just new that they would be cared for whether I was there or not. So, when we found out that we were pregnant with our Sweet P, I could not wrap my head around the all-consuming and encompassing vastness of motherhood. I would lay awake in sheer terror of the responsibility I would have to this little baby, whom I didn't yet know. It was joy by day, and terror by night, until the day I went into labor.
Fourty four hours later, an emergency c-section under my belt (pardon the pun), and a tiny new human in my arms, I was a mother. Did not feel like a mother, but hey, this was my child and I loved him, and THAT made me a mother... right?
For many days and nights and months on end, our little Princeton brought us unimaginable joy and laughter, sleepless nights, and even tears. He tested us, he awed us, and we were his loving parents. Caring for him came naturally. More naturally than anything else has ever come in my life. I simply new what to do and how to do it... and when I didn't, there was always Google and an incredible support group of mothers on Facebook, The First Time Mommy Group.
It was natural and it was automatic. But, I still had a hard time calling myself a mom. Hearing the word mom in reference to myself made me laugh every time. I knew I was a mother, my instincts as a mother were on point, to my own disbelief, but that title still eluded me; Until one beautiful morning, when my Sweet Baby P woke up without crying, and simply called out "Mama".
Wow! The rush of emotions you feel when your child truly and unmistakably calls you mama, is beyond words. The day he called me mama, is when I completely owned my new title. Mom, Mother, Mommy, Mama, this is who I am. Who I am is his mama.
Never did I think that I would again get to experience such a clear definition of self. But, once again, I was gifted the title by our little Skyler, who in the last week has discovered that mama, is his favorite word.
Once again, my title has been reaffirmed, strengthened and gifted to me by another tiny human. Once again, I am defined as his mama.
I am their mama!